Introspection
Introspection.
I surely would not forget this word, the very word that brought me to a point of almost losing my sanity. I would not forget the day I thought of using it for the purpose of taking a chance on making a relevant connection between my profession and my passion. I would not forget the moment I tried to look into and considered such a key towards a supposedly brighter path to this dim and cloudy career. And I would not forget the day I realized how selfish the word is.
I think I‘m out of boredom (finally!) How could I forget those days when idleness seemed to eat me whole. But, it’s ironic that I have just wished that I didn’t run away from it. I guess the stare-startle episodes are far better than these nightmares/flashback like hauntings.
And here goes the drama…
It is sad when you’ve got so much to say with no one to hear. More sad, when you have conveyed a message beyond listening, yet you are left with an inexplicable impression. And most sad, when you know you’ve got a dime of world changing abilities, yet you are seen flat and dull. I have been through a series of life changing experiences, and I would like to think of those as blessings. But then again life never failed to provide reasons of using the word “but”. Struggles and strides have gave up on me this time. I fell. I will soon stand up and walk tall. Maybe we have to get a little messed up before we can get up.
My apologies for such a vague entry. I intend to do it this way so as to preserve a bit of esteem that was left of me after such a masacre of self contempt and cynism. I do know my friends understand this one, and a few have a hint. Again, I beg not of your symapthies, and encouragement. Perhaps, seeing me as me would do me a great favor. To my bestfriend (you know who you are), I owe to you my present day strength. A positive something is better than a negative nothing, and I would never forget that. I hope that one day I’ll have my turn on saying those stuffs and on easing a restless soul. I guess I have to cut this crap, some glands in my eyes are trying to do their job (again).
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